trembling with anger

am super super pissed now. super pissed. super pissed. super pissed!
so pissed, i think i'm trembling inside.

grrrrrrrr...............

my bladdy idiotic irresponsible MA grpmates are seriously getting too much on my nerves. i shall go and talk to my prof later. hope he only gives them half of the total grade. since all 3 of them only contributed to half of the report. and after compiling, tells me that they think that the stupid report is fine as it is. and that is without a conclusion, a content page, or cover page! and excuse me... it is a bladdy report! and wat u merely did was to copy and paste ur speech! no subtopics watsoever. and the little portion i asked u to fill in, after i have written half the report, u came back n said u all dun think its necessary.

and just for the record, when we interviewed the company, i was the only one who went down. i did the powerpoint for our presentation. all u had to do was talk. and the points to talk about were also already nicely written out for all of you.

please...... i might as well have done the project entirely by myself.

~~~ Angela 9:30 AM

alone at home

been alone this entire week since ma went over to perth for bro's graduation. din feel extremely lonely coz was kept bz with sch n all. time alone at home was spent rushing projects and then dropping dead on bed.

feng came over to accompany me yest since i was tired n in no mood to go out. =) cooked for him n watched sound of music. realised that he doesn't appreciate such shows. then again, i bet most guys would find it boring, slow-paced n cheesy. but well, its one of my all time faves and as long as he lets me hold the controls. haha.

anyway, something scary happened last nite. i've lived in this neighbourhood for my entire life, and last nite was the first time there was some unrest in the middle of the nite. was fast aslp, but suddenly woke up to some lunatic shouting at the top of his voice at 4plus am. couldn't make out wat he was shouting abt, but he sounded very angry - must be drunk. think there were a few of them, coz could hear them running up n down the street. the shouting lasted for like 10min at least.

goodness, i was really scared. a lone girl in a big house, n its super easy to climb into my house, even i can do it without help. yes, i did lock all doors and windows all closed, but i started getting paranoid. peered outta the window n saw some indian guy running down the street - dun think he was the one shouting. shortly after, a police car stopped in front of my house. the cops came out n went to question some neighbour a few houses away. cant really make out wat was happening, but the cops left after like 30min, but i din see them arresting anyone. which meant that crazy drunk guy was still at large!!! couldn't get back to slp, kept imagining that some freak will be sneering down at me when i reopen my eyes, n i'll be raped. msged feng, but of coz he was fast aslp.

sigh, altho it may seem ridiculous, i've nv been so scared for a long long time. really felt that i was in danger. angry drunk indians can become violent = dangerous.

~~~ Angela 3:03 PM

not beaten

she embarrassed me. the manager taking over SMUve for the time being. she embarrassed me in front of 20 strangers. these strangers are event companies intending to tender for the project.

excuse me, please get ur facts straight b4 insisting on your point. yes, right, i'm chair of VIVACE. but that does not mean i'm trying to ride on your budget. pluueeze, i'm primarily ops manager of SMUve as well! and i guess, u have well forgotten abt that rite. how can a move end by simply arriving at the location?? of course there must be some closure to the event. n i guess it has totally slipped ur mind that we need to have some sort of ending ceremony which requires a lil tentage on the new campus - which you juz assumed that vivace will use for carnivals. sorry, but vivace is soo not gonna be on campus green. n oh yah, i wasn't talking abt expensive metal flagpoles to be erected up on site, i meant makeshift flagpoles. gosh. need u be so against me juz coz i'm handling vivace as well?

hahahhaa, i'm laughing it all off. coz in the end, i know those strangers figured that i wasn't as scheming a girl u said i was to be. it was purely u not knowing every single detail of the proposed event by ur student leaders. u were the one who got it all wrong. but of coz, u wld still insist u're right in the end. watever, i've figured out the rules of this game long ago. i wont be beaten, n if u din know, i'm thick skin too. u wont be able to squash me like a cockroach. fat hope.

~~~ Angela 9:08 PM

spideys

why do spiders like to hang out in my toilets?
there's one in my downstairs loo. the leggy pale kind. there's another in my upstairs bathroom. the black normal kind. i'm extra careful while showering, making sure that it doesn't like jump onto me n bite me, lest i become spiderwoman.

hahhahahahaha =p btw, where do spiders store their eggs?? pls enlighten me.

~~~ Angela 10:47 PM

disney princesses on ice

yes, i went for disney princess on ice!!!!!!!! *squeals* it was indeed a magical experience *grinz* hahahah! i loved it. but sigh... was quite far from the stage despite buying the 2nd most ex tix, ie 50bucks. such a rip off. but the show was worth it lah.

was amazed with the absolutely beeeautiful costumes. n i've always loved figure skating anyway. the princesses are so pretty (from afar tt is, dunno if they're that pretty close up). the princes - okay lah. the aladdin guy was the best! looks exactly like the aladdin in the animation, n he's super strong n tall. wahz.... *drool* the props were amazing too. abu came out as an elephant. yes, there was a fake supersized elephant sliding round the ring. there was a flying carpet!! woohoo~ jasmine n aladdin sat on it too! the spinning wheel in slping beauty also slided ard - i totally couldn't figure it out, din see any strings... then of coz there was cinderella's carriage. =) and my, the disney songs.

one that i've almost totally forgotten is the song the lil mice in cinderella sang while helping her sew a dress for the ball. "we can do it, we can do it, we can help out cinderelly..." hahah, their voices are really cute n squeeky. =) reminded me of the times when i used to watch my cinderella tape over n over again.

the expo hall was filled with kids n parents. wahaha! of coz, there were couples like me n feng ard too lah. i'm sure alot of girls like me are crazy abt disney princesses la, not only the lil girls... so anyway, most of them had cute tairas on. there was even a girl in belle's yellow dress! cool~ heehee. n if u're wondering, no... i din put on my tiara... still had to differentiate myself from those kids k.... haha.

me! with a disney poster. duh =P

~~~ Angela 12:25 AM

the blushing feeling

after dinner - i drove the car round to pick them up. he got into the passenger seat n i leaned over to arranged ma's stuff that might be in the way. as i shifted upright, he leaned towards me n said, "aren't u gonna take me for a ride?" i turned my head to face him n was surprised that his smiling, cheeky face was only like 4inches away.

i think i must have blushed. but it was definitely too dark to be visible. "err... no lah."
"got test tmr huh?"
"yah."
i got abit nervous...where did i throw the water bottle to??... started fidgeting, not knowing wat to do next.... he ruffled my hair. that felt good tho. =)

got outta the car, ma took over n i walked home......

haven't blushed for a long time. its been sometime since someone made me feel that way - shy, nervous, awkward, all at the same time. its weird. i tot only guys i like can make me feel like that. definitely not an uncle. hmm... cant fathom myself.

~~~ Angela 8:39 PM

thinking of me? ^_^

"hello? peter ah?"
"yah"
"angela here"
"oh, i was juz thinking of you."

gee. i got a shock. could only laugh. its not everyday someone says smthg like that to me. tot only boyfrens or hopeful-boyfrens flirting will say such stuff. actually, even feng doesn't say tt.

must really get use to his working style. peter's, i mean.

~~~ Angela 4:41 PM

FAT

have been getting some of such comments lately...

scenario 1
(relaxing in darling's bedroom with the guys - deedee, mingwei, kianz n darling after mdm toh's farewell party. )

me exclaim: i wanna take picture in daryl's room!
darling aimed the cam from his position on the grd.
me: i'll look fat from that angle...
darling: *snap* not fat lah...
mingwei: *peering at the cam's lcd screen* juz chubby.

scenario 2
(me n feng sitting on the breakwater at east coast late last night watching the waves below and the planes above flying past.)

feng: have u ever wanted to be an air stewardess?
me: yah of coz, since i was 5.
feng: are u tall enough?
me: yah........
feng: hmmm.... then slim down abit and go be one loh!

scenario 3
(me n deedee shopping for mdm toh's presents at PS. we juz had dinner on B1 mos, was making our way to Cold Wear on lvl3.)

deedee heading for the escalators...
me: take the lift lah!
deedee: *oooo...ok-look* you shld walk ard more.

such comments 3 days in a row. by diff pple some more...... sigh. its really all in the genes loh. y
cant i be naturally slim? so unfair. maybe i shld really try those xando tablets or smthg.

~~~ Angela 10:42 PM

depression

i think i'm suffering from depression. i can't seem to function normally. efficiency rate has really plummeted. plus the tension headaches, it is getting worse.......... any little small thing can get me upset n stressed. n i'm crying buckets... keep asking myself why am i crying? no concrete answer comes to mind. the tears juz keep dropping. i think its a disgrace that i've become such a weak n useless person. total disgrace. i'm disgusted with myself.

sigh. i think i shld juz get over it. maybe i've been leaning on my own strength for far too long. pls pray for me.......

thanx to all my frens who showed concern. i really appreciate it. special thanx to justin, huage n darling - for listening, comforting, advising n making me smile.

i shld be fine soon.

~~~ Angela 1:31 AM

one cloudy nite

lonely on the swing on a cloudy nite. there were strong winds, and i was cold. usually, on the swing, i'm warm, coz he's always closeby. but tonite was different.

weirdly, the breeze reminded me of "a walk to remember". something abt mandy moore's love being as sure as the wind. altho he (the guy in the show) cant see it, he can feel it.

sigh. if only love is as sweet and romantic. =(

~~~ Angela 12:27 AM

con of crying

watched the extreme makeover episode where 3 overweight candidates had to lose their fat before winning the chance of the make over. n their trainer forbidded one of the ladies to be emotional. he said being emotional leads to the body secreting more of some sort of hormones which will affect the weight lost process or smthg lydat.

explains y i cant seem to lose weight. i cry too much.

~~~ Angela 1:16 PM

He will carry me

~~~ Angela 12:12 AM

in need of a healthier lifestyle

tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired tired

think i really need to change my lifestyle lest i get fatter and fatter and fatter and die prematurely.

resolution: sleep by 0030, wake up by 0830, eat less, exercise!

~~~ Angela 10:20 AM

wrongly accused

the injustice. it made me cry. it made me pissed.
sigh, i hope things will not get worse.

~~~ Angela 12:51 PM

About Me

The KING's princess
made to worship
wants to be like a fresh lily in a secluded valley by the crystal stream

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