Life is weird. God is amazing. There is a time for everything. a time to feel happy, blissful, on top of the world. a time to feel sad, down n hopeless. its always amazing to look back on things that happened and finally realised that i've actually been thru such ordeal n survived. i'm well now, n i'm still hopeful. no doubt there are times when i still feel a tinge of pain or regret when i think back, but i'm looking forward, i've regained hope. my world is not constrained to the now of things.

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written on 5/9/03, 1245am:

Will we? Will we ever be together? Love will lead u back?
No. I'm not sure. In fact, i dun think u ever will bcoz u nv really loved me. U went away.
Too bad for u boy. I'm getting over u. I'm a new person. I haf survived.
Its ur lost. Ur lost to lose me intentionally. U will nv get me back even if u want 2.
So hell to u! as i await my Tamahome, my Toya. He will arrive one day. I must be patient. The wait will be worth it. I believe in God. And i believe in love. Still in love, despite the hurt fr frens & family. love still makes the world go round.
If only there was more...
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stumbled upon this short reflection i wrote randomly in a notebook 2 years back. somehow, it brought a smile to my face. =) as long as i keep the hope n faith... tomorrow will be better.

a shoutout to dear frens who were concerned: THANK YOU! i'm perservering n hopeful.

~~~ Angela 5:09 PM

dejected

life sucks to the core rite now man.

in fushigi yuugi, miaka hated her life too. the only thing she loved was her best fren. n when she got transported to tamahome's world, it was like heaven to her. bcoz not only did she become a prietess, she had warriors who were born for her, who protected her with their lifes n who loved her dearly. the only bad thing was her best fren yui was no longer her best fren, but was with her enemy. of coz, there were all the hardships / obstacles she had to go thru. after all, saving tamahome's world n yui isn't all that easy. but with love n frenships, she managed to do juz that. upon returning to her own world, she finally realised the goodness of her world.

i really really wish my tamahome will come to take me away. to another world, to anywhere but here. maybe there i will face different hardships. but after that, maybe i might return to realise the goodness of my world.

right now, everything is bad to the max.

~~~ Angela 6:03 PM

oh heart, pls stop hurting
oh tears, pls stop falling
oh mind, pls stop thinking
my world is so small...
oh Lord, pls stop the pain
oh liyi, pls juz go to bed.

~~~ Angela 1:02 AM

irrational forever

feng n i are a couple. undoubtedly, as a couple, we fight/quarrel/go thru difficult times when conflicts/misunderstandings/unmet expectations occur. it is during such times that my mind wanders off to wish for better times or singlehood.

i am an escapist. illustrated clearly when i was toking to a used-to-be-close fren one day.
context: we were toking abt how horrid the following weeks will be due to countless assignments, tests, etc.
me: i wish time will stop.
she: i'm different from u. i wish it will quickly come n i can get over everything sooner.

i am glad that no matter how unhappy and tough some times were with feng, neither of us have given up or taken the cowardly way - escape. love is a willingness. both the happy and unpleasant times allow us to understand each other more and make us who we are as a couple. i guess besides the unforgetable sweet n happy memories, its the beauty of overcoming problems together, no matter how hard, that makes a relationship treasurable.

if i were rational, i wouldn't even have loved. which rational being will let herself fall in love knowing full well of the hurt that is to come? which rational being will love with all her heart knowing the odds of forever?

i am irrational. n will probably always be.

~~~ Angela 1:10 AM

kitty tales

remember the cute but extremely mischievious black-with-white-paws lil kitty that came to disrupt my party so many times a few months back? how can i forget how courageously daniel scoped the lil thing up and placed her outside only to have her crawling back in time n time again, looking for food and attention.

poor lil kitty. once slim and slender with an awfully perfect beautiful feline figure, she now has a belly. A BELLY! i came home the day b4 yest holding packeted dinner in my hands, n there she was sitting rather fornfully at her owner's (neighbour) gate. immediately, she headed towards me meowing, obviously eyeing the food. that's when i saw the bulge in her tummy. it looked unnatural. i think she is pregnant. Pregnant!!! a kitty! i mean, she is so young! maybe not even a year old! n oredi pregnant!!!! she shouldn't be pregnant, she should still be playing happily, roaming the streets, making frens with other cats. but here she is, pregnant. i am utterly disgusted with the cat who did that to her.

today i saw her again, lying, looking totally exhausted under a van. no longer the playful glint in her eyes. feel so sad for her. n i really feel that my neighbour is not taking very good care of her. think they sometimes forget to feed her, that's y she's always out looking....

its such a huge transition from being a playful kitty to a responsible mummy cat. i really hope she can survive it. i hope her babies will survive too! the cats in this neighbourhood is rather horrible. a few years back, a stray cat gave birth in my garden. 5 kittens altogether n everyday i spied at them playing among the plants from my window. extremely adorable n we actually fed them rice everyday. but after a few weeks, some kittens disappeared and we were left with only the mum and a white weak kitten. one day, when i was in sch, a male cat came to pick a fight. there was the usual cat brawl but by the time mama went out, the white kitty was oredi seriously biten n in a pool of blood. she called the spca. in the end, it died.

really hope nothing sad like this happens again...
thats why we dun keep pets, dun think we can survive emotionally if anything happens to them.

~~~ Angela 2:32 PM

GOAL! -less

cried myself to sleep last nite. keep wondering, is all this worth it? is it really?? but i cant envision the end. its nowhere in sight. i cant imagine... i still dunno where i'm heading to.

~~~ Angela 3:27 PM

painful jabs

OUCH!!!!!! *whine*

went to TTSH travellers clinic early this morn. it was an interesting experience. almost the entire group of people going for project oracle was there and we were all briefed together by the doctor.

oh, i haven said anything about project oracle b4... its a expedition trip to Chiang Rai, Thailand happening from 5-24Dec. we, a team of 24 smu students, are gg to the outskirts of Chiang Rai to live among the hill tribe people and construct toilets, install pipes and build a water tank for them. very manual, very tough, totally outta my comfort zone.

it was bcoz of this that actually caused the big tiff btw me n feng a couple weeks ago. anyway, so today we were down at the travellers clinic to get our vaccines. n i had not 1, not 2, not even 3, but FOUR (!!!) jabs - 2 on both arms. n the tetanus jab is seriously making my left arm super super weak... i'm even finding it hard to type rite now... like a nagging pain. oh well.... bear with it, life goes on n i'm back in the school library now. again. need to churn out extra stuff for FIM report b4 the mtg. sianz.

~~~ Angela 12:51 PM

looming death. cmi.

my stress patch is once again acting up.... sigh.

so many many things to do! things happening/due in 2 weeks time:
QM assignment
Corp reporting quiz
ethics buzz presentation
FIM report
Macroecons mid term exam
FIM presentation
peer helping publication

im oh so dead.....
this is a beautiful disney puzzle feng n i bought last month.. or izzit last last month? wonder when we can start on it man.... maybe may next year?? haha!



~~~ Angela 7:19 PM

had enough of school

whenver i have enough of school, i dream about getting married this instant and settling down at home, cooking or rather, learning to cook, for my husband and doing the brainless household chores. waiting for him to come home saying, "我回来了！" and giving me an appreciative hug for cooking for him. life is simple simple simple. and this is my form of escape.

i hate this sem. and i realised that i really do not like finance. have no interest in it. altho, yes, i know knowing about discounting and interest rates and such will definitely help me in investment which is one of the fastest ways to make money... i really am not interested. i find it BORING.

taking 5 n a half courses this sem is killing me. am behind in every single course. the things i hafta do is like piling sooooo high i dunno where to start. projects are horrible n unfun. sigh. my lack of motivation is apparent i think. i hate doing things i dun like. no interest = no motivation = cant do well.

terrible terrible terrible. how come i managed to do well last sem??

its time to RE-FRAME.

~~~ Angela 2:33 PM

horrifying discovery

was looking into the mirror this morn while slapping on some makeup n realised, much to my horror, that i have an ugly neck.

wat am i to do?! wat am i to do?!! how to beautify my neck???? it has 3 ugly dark lines going across. think its extra skin. ahhh.... i'm disgusted with my neck. how how?? necks are supposed to be sexy.... necks are supposed to turn guys on. ahhh... mine is ugly.

AAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

~~~ Angela 12:34 PM

ariel fan

i love little mermaid. got this beautiful n simply irresistable bag at disneysea. cant remember its exact cost, but it was quite alot coz i remember comtemplating very long, asking both vincent's n justin's opinions n posing in the mirror with it b4 i finally bought it. pink, glittery, pearls and ribbons! totally me. =)

~~~ Angela 11:14 PM

About Me

The KING's princess
made to worship
wants to be like a fresh lily in a secluded valley by the crystal stream

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