today wasn't a good day. had a rather bad quarrel with mama this morn. was crying in the car but still had to go for imaginecup meeting in sch. oh well...

haiz... think i snapped at my teammates at some points and was sure that my face looked angry n tired most of the time (smelly face - direct translation from chinese)..... well, it really wasn't a very enjoyable day. hope they'll understand...... had to hold back tears many times. sometimes i think i really shld work on my hypocrite-skills to use in times like this. it'll be better for everyone if i can hide my emotions better. sigh.

but i feel better now coz things are ok btw me and ma oredi. but i dun think this issue that keeps resurfacing will ever be resolved. =(

~~~ Angela 11:46 AM

iceskating date

after being 'separated' for 20 whole days due to exams and exams prep, feng n i finally went for a date - iceskating.

he had always been asking me to go iceskating, even b4 we were together. haha! then, i felt... eee... he wanted to take advantage of the situation n hold my hand rite? hahah, actually wanted to go, but it was ma who objected. wahahah!
anyway, so somehow, it dragged till only today. at first i din really wanna go too coz din wanna risk him getting his fingers shaved off by some careless skater b4 the completion of his exams, but he was insistent n there wasn't any good movies.

iceskating is really not my thing. i sorta figured that out years ago that's y this is (i think) only my 3rd time, but now, its confirmed not something i like very much. i think the main reason is the skates - its either too tight or too loose. and my ankles were hurting so much, towards the end it was even difficult to tell my knees to bend and legs to move. and now, after reaching home, i realise i've developed a painful blister on the 3rd toe right foot. *ouch*

i fell down once on my bottom. think it was quite a loud thud. hhahaha! n i was super super embarrassed. i juz slided outta control. feng tried to hold onto me, but hahah, couldn't stop me falling. lucky i din drag him down. the date was not a disaster lah. i mean, altho iceskating izzant my thing, at least i had feng with me. =) that was enough.

~~~ Angela 11:38 PM

must i grow up?

something's been bugging me lately. and its none other than my 21st birthday party. i've been thinking and thinking and thinking about it ever since like b4 my exams started, but have not come to a conclusion as to what to do to celebrate.

mama has been insistent that i have a party, coz its after all my 21st - the year i become an adult. wahahha! the typical parent perception.

the first totally dreamy idea i came up with was while daydreaming when i was supposed to be studying for my exams. hahah. the idea - a ball meant for princesses and princes. =) book a totally pwow! function room in some grand hotel and everyone invited must dress in gowns and princey-suits. hahah! and everyone will waltz the nite away! heehee... in glass slippers.

aloy said, "grow up liyi." sigh. yes, i know not everyone appreciates my fairytale ideas. but its juz pure fun. can u imagine if everyone really turn up in gowns n tiaras and suits n swords? it'll be so magical and definitely a blast! non-stop photo-taking!!! cant even "grown up" people like us have some kiddy fun? why must fun be constrained to more grown up stuff like ktv, drinking, clubbing and the likes?

i would like my party to be fun. but nowadays fun parties = drinking and dancing and prob playing disgusting games rite? but my idea of fun is pple playing kiddy mass games like musical chairs n blow wind blow. so i dun think my 'fun' parties will work out.

okie, so i'm left with the boring option of juz a food party. everyone come n eat, engage in some small talk and leave......... not interesting at all. that's y alotta times i wish i never grow up. then at least i can keep attending cute kiddy fun birthday parties where goodie bags are given out. hahahaha! such an irony rite? since birthdays is all about growing up.

~~~ Angela 11:18 PM

SMUve woes

had to go back sch for a last min SMUve mtg today which lasted till... i dunno, coz i couldn't take it anymore n juz left at 4pm. i mean, i was oredi late in meeting deedee lohz. cant be bothered anymore.

SMUve stuff is really getting on my nerves these days. patience is running extremely thin. wish everything will juz leave me alone for awhile, really do need a much-needed break. sigh. i think we have all been overworked so much so that we've lost the drive and motivation. ok, maybe i'm speaking more for myself lah......... i dunno, but i get irritated with the new manager (yes, a different one this time. the 4th!!!!!) very easily. she doesn't seem to know wats of priority, doesn't know how to guide the comm back to discuss wat is important, seems so afraid of top management and will succumb to their decisions without fighting for wat the students hav planned. sigh. i really dun understand. dun know how to be more understanding. she is supposed to have loads of experience in events management, but i juz dun see it lehz....

i'm really trying to be patient. but during today's meeting, when yvonne, jiali and I were discussing the actual route of the procession - which is the crux of the program - she was "bz" segregating the job scope of each comm member - which was totally unneccessary and untimely. and when yvonne told the rest of the comm the confirmed route, she and may were still talking abt the job scope. i said loudly, "i think everyone shld listen to this." she stopped for like a few secs then carried on with the job scope thingy. sigh. and later on, yvonne and i had to go thru the entire route with her again. and that was when she brought out her objections. if she had listened on juz now, we wouldn't have wasted such time lah! and that was when i really wanted to strangle her.

i'm sorry, but i cant help feeling that i am juz merely a student. someone who enjoys doing events so much so that i'm willing to sacrifice my time, money, effort, beauty slp, internship opportunities etcetc for the sake of the event. in others' eyes, i'm dumb. but i cant care less coz i love doing this. but even so, do not take me for granted. i am not ur slave. if this carries on, u'll probably kill my passion and i might start to think that the others are right.

~~~ Angela 11:18 PM

went to the gym today. abit on the treadmill and abit on the stepmaster. gee... and i nearly passed out after the work out. i suck.

bought a can of milo coz i tot i needed some sugar. but i forgot that the little bit of calories i juz lost would be more than added on again. wahahaha.

feng asked me not to call tonite. he still has lots more to study for tmr's paper. sigh. i understand, really. but cant help feeling....... unimportant.

~~~ Angela 11:29 PM

weighed down

mama is facing alot of injustice in her job and pple are basically bullying her. it pains me to know what she is gg thru. yet, things are not as simple as it seems and she cant merely quit. sigh.

i wish i can contribute more to our financial status. there's nobody to help us. we can only help ourselves. sigh, if only i can do more. sometimes i feel that the weight on my shoulders is soo much, i dunno whether i can carry on.

i'm depressed. thoroughly. sigh.
but i dun wanna cry, rather am trying to be strong.
think i shld forget abt my party.

*on a more happy note, i juz got my bizlaw result. and its an A. but greedy me is still not totally satisfied coz the plus sign is missing.

~~~ Angela 10:00 PM

imaginecup briefing

i haven mention that we got into the top10, ie finals. yupyup, may16's the day. the briefing was basically a QnA session and giving all 27teams who had great proposals this microsoft visual studio software that is apparently worth more than 1500bucks. hmm... not that i'll have much use for it really.

met my team's mentor today. (mentors were assigned to finalist teams to help us along) he's this really young guy who has an american accent that i totally dig. he reminds me sooo much of patrick!! i'm amazed at the similarities. same accent, almost same built, same sense of humor. gosh...... he's like super competitive, said that himself and was evident when we played table soccer and pool in microsoft recreation centre. yeah, we all hung out at the 21st floor overlooking clifford pier after the briefing and ordered in pizza. he treated us. wahahaha! i had fun juz pigging out and enjoying the view. =) its after exams! woohoo~ and how often do u get a view like that?? pple will need to pay like half a million for a one room condo unit lohz (the sail @ marina right next to the microsoft office)

hmm.... actually, the truth is.. after meeting our mentor, i'm like quite scared. finals in japan seemed very far away previously. but with him on board to help our team..... he will definitely push us. he seemed to wanna win more badly than we do. how am i gonna like tell him i prob wont be able to go japan even if we do win??! sigh. badbadbad.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

met up with my son today. we went shopping! he's really nice company. chatted in starbucks after getting yihua's present and realised that i'm seriously getting old. alot of pple whom he asked me about, i couldn't remember at all! and everyone (those sales pple from banks) approached me on the streets instead of him. but then again, its coz he has a very boyish, cute-ish look, which was the reason i made him my son in the first place. hahah!

~~~ Angela 11:33 PM

sophomore year no more =)

hiphiphooray! the most taxing exams in smu to date, which consisted of 4 papers, is over =)
happy happy happy, la-la-la!

MA: very difficult. killer in fact. still hoping for an A+ tho.
BizLaw: ok paper. not enough time, but think that's normal. allowing myself to hope for an A too. hopefully, hopefully.
IE: ok paper too. lack of time. dun think i did well, spent too much time deciding between managed floating exchange rate regime or peg to a basket of currencies. sigh. will lose face if i dun excel, since am an econs student doing a econs course meant for business students.
Finance: super duper killer. totally out of my league. bad seat with little space to flip my materials efficiently. sigh. its like the worst ever paper in the history of exams i've ever taken. even physics block test in jc (which i totally failed) doesn't seem as bad compared to this. YET, i need an A- in order to major in it.

not caring least at the mo tho =)

now that exams are over, must start thinking about what to do. got 4 full months ahead of me till yr3 arrives. any good part-time job lobangs to recommend??

~~~ Angela 11:14 PM

dory's status

hmmm...... dory is attached. his gf is really quite pretty. happy for him, but it sure does feel weird when he tells me that she completes him.

always tot he wont get attached so early... since he seemed to be only playing when we were "together". sighz, love is juz such a funny and uncomprehensible thing.

extract from our msn conversation...
dory: how R u? so are u seeing anyone?
me: yup, once a week only tho. like army.
dory: who? wheres he from?
me: ntu
dory: that's far. so lihai. how you hook him one?
me: haha! i cast my line far and wide.
dory: ??? more like trawling net??
me: coz not! if i did, i'll haf sooo many bfs.

okie, off to stardee. am still not mug enough.

~~~ Angela 12:14 AM

failure

failed myself. failed God. period. =(

~~~ Angela 1:55 PM

is there such a thing as "the one"?

immersed in disney cartoons and fairytale stories during my growing up years, my ans is Yes, there is. love is beautiful, and there will be a day when i ride off into the sunset living happily ever after.

the reason i still love my disney cartoons so much today is becoz i no longer am sure of the answer to the above qns. but in my cartoons, i am brought back to those days when i sincerely believed that my prince will come one day. and hope resurfaces again.

love songs have the same effect. everytime i listen to them, i picture myself as the girl they're singing about, pinning for....


despite loving disney princesses, personal experiences and harsh realities have tainted those perfect, beautiful dreams. i've evolved to become a love cynic.

~~~ Angela 12:48 AM

untimely, unnecessary insecurities

my boyfren, an ntu final yr student, will be pursuing his postgrad studies in nus come july.
i'm very happy for him =) and i will haf a masters degree bf! sounds cool~

but yet, suddenly i was overcome by insecurities again. nus. hmm... a whole diff environment, diff culture, diff pple, diff experience. i dun like changes, find it difficult to adapt. okie, the truth is i'm worried. he'll meet more new, interesting pple *read: girls* there......

sigh. the problem is simple = me n my insecurities. like things the way they are, dun wanna change. but i know that change is inevitable. we both will experience diff things and grow in our separate environments. i cant hold onto him too tightly, cant make that mistake twice. can only trust and make the conscious choice of growing separately but not away.

my exams start on tues. everyone is mugging. i shldn't be worrying abt such unnecessary stuff. someone, anyone! pls strike me (with a magic wand or smthg, anything!) and turn me into a mug.

~~~ Angela 1:05 AM

imaginecup semi-finals

who would have ever tot that i, a technology-idiot, would join an IT competition? microsoft, software design competition for that matter. gosh. so unimaginable. hahah! n guess wat? yah, my team got into semi-finals (top25 teams)

it all started several months ago when justin (comp engine, ntu, whom i got to know from my delta forum trip to hk last yr) asked me to join him in this. after some consideration, i agreed, basically for pure fun and bcoz it sounded absurd. it doesn't hurt that the prizes are real attractive too =) asked dot to join too, and surprisingly she agreed. so all was well.

until i realised that the finals in japan clashed with my events in end july. sigh. really put me in a dilemma, totally din know wat to do. dun wanna put my team in jeopardy, was oredi too late to withdraw, yet cant shirk my responsibility in sch-wide events. actually this problem is still not exactly solved...... but i guess we're ignoring it at the mo. the "consensus" is that i'll fly there as soon as my events end. hopefully, all will turn out well in the end. but then again, that is IF we win the local round. wahahhaha!

imaginecup has been the most exciting thing that happened to me for a longlong time. guess i've not been participating in many competitions ever since i grew up. hahah! used to take part in lots of drawing/painting, lantern-making, blahblah competitions in my kiddy days. its so exciting to compete. =)

semi-finals (30mar) was held in the new microsoft office which is so totally cool. we were ushered to a holding conference room which over looked clifford pier and was furnished with lots of ergonomically-designed chairs. *drool, think - future office*

our presentation venue had three! projection screens. woohoo~ so cool! and a podium (where i sat behind since i was the official clicker). the presentation went well and the judges asked many questions which we were all able to counter. =) think they sorta enjoyed the video which i starred in. there was a judge who tried to discreetly cover his mouth thruout the video. hehe

and that's us! posing with our kaimono-concept posterboard with 2 screens behind =)

hopefully we get into finals and eventually emerge winners of the local round. i so wanna win this.... then we can listen to our ZEN as we fly to JAPAN! =p

~~~ Angela 10:04 AM

grpmate trying to be sarcastic too

and one grp member had the guts to reply! see my reponses in blue.
sigh, i really am not a meanie/bitch, dun like this at all. but i cant let her have the last say coz she's so obviously wrong.

=====================================================================

Hey, well thanks for handing in the report

i think its a matter of judgement here. you have your ideas of how things are and so do we. Personally i think you did a great job for the report , maybe we are still in experience as to how a GOOD report should be handed in. I personally thought that the original one that i sent to you all was not too bad

its only a small project and i understand if you are a perfectionist - Its 25% dear. most projs in other courses weigh that much too.

i beg to differ when you say the whole group rides on one member its inate in the human brain that what we do seems alot more than the next person - i agree with that fact, i have reflected. its time for yours.

i hope you realise that we all did put in effort to find our sources. not that we expected you to do all the work or that you did all of it - no i did not do all the work, juz alot of it i guess

we did offer to go with you to meet the person in charge for the interview , its just that our timings clashed and since he knew you, it was hard to go without you - it was the weekend b4 the presentation. nothing was done yet. the grp shld have been well aware that an interview has to be set during that time.

yes it was nice that the information that you gave us was all prepared and we did our best to extend on that fact but you have to realise that from the start

if you had made it clear you want things done a certain way, you should have said it. - do u not have any initiative watsoever? it is a grp project. not a boss-employee relationship

if we had been able to get more inform ation , we would have. i went thru the website looking for more info and i think the others did so too. - ur point being?

personally i feel the ONE member who thinks he/ she is doing all the work should reflect on his or her behaviour too. Like you said, SMU is a small place and yes people do get blacklisted - as i said above. i have, n my conscience is clear. time for yours

we all are stressed and i like to add that the powerpoint was also compiled by me ( so its not wholely the one member that did all ) - ok, my apologies

on top of that that one member who sees him or herself to be so great should read back the old emails the way we are addressed by him or her is rather rude and demanding - as quoted from u: i think its a matter of judgement here

its not a nice way of saying things but its true if you want certain things done , you must make it clear. - once again, its a grp proj. and look above, am oredi labelled as "demanding" when all i asked was to send the compiled report

i personally am a person who makes my stand clear on how things i wan done to be done. rather that hope that the other goup members try to read my mind as to how to do so - hahah! err... remember the whole deal abt u expecting someone to send out the letter? when u din make clear who u wanted to get the task done

anyway this was a small project like i said. no need to start name calling and branding each other. Probable its the circumstances and the pressure of the workload at the end of the term getting to us.

M

anyway, dear grp members, its over. our proj is over and submitted. pls put urselves in my shoes and think abt how u would feel. it wouldn't feel very good and i was juz voicing out my dissatisfactions. in any case, i did not scold u or anything, i juz asked u guys to reflect. and hopefully u'll acknowledge the fact that ur value-addedness for this project has been minimal. it is difficult to come to terms with the truth, i understand. but for now, let's concentrate on exams alrite? its better for all of us that way.

take care and jiayou!
~angela

~~~ Angela 11:47 PM

sarcastic mail to MA grpmates

just for your information, the report has been handed in at 1140.

it is funny how this entire project turned out, considering how i sorta pledged my loyalty to this project and promising to work hard when accusations -which were untrue for that matter - were made. funny how someone said the group did not put in effort. yes indeed, that has been proven right. this experience is indeed a memorable one for me. never in smu have i come across a group such as this - where i do more than half of the entire project. where people just merely copied and paste their speeches to make up their part of the report. where the rest of the grp semi-free-rided on me.

please, its time for some self-reflections based on certain facts.
1) only one grp member interviewed the company the weekend just b4 our presentation. if the project was priority, n the grp had nothing done then, it was only right to make time for a simple interview
2) points for the presentation were all nicely coordinated and written for the grp by one grp member
3) one grp member consolidated the slides
4) one grp member wrote the bulk of the report and all the annexes. the bulk which required thinking and anlaysis. a little part that member asked the grp to fill in was left undone becoz the rest of the grp feels that its unnecessary. how can the report's recommendations consist of only 1 thing when the weight of the report is based on whether or not the grp can think of suggestions for the company's CB project and analysis?!
5) the other portions of the report were already provided from the interview data and had only be constructed into paragraphs, and even so, speeches were just copied and pasted. and becoz of such slip short work, one grp member had to do major editting/rewriting the entire nite b4 the report was due. i dun think there is a need to explicit say who that one grp member is.

some friendly advice:smu is relatively small. reputations are impt. i bet u all haf oredi come across freeriders and haf oredi blacklisted them. if that is the standard of work u give to others, if that is the level of commitment u have to a project, if that is the best effort u can give to a project, dun expect a good reputation.

i wish u all the best for your remaining education in smu.

~~~ Angela 1:43 PM

About Me

The KING's princess
made to worship
wants to be like a fresh lily in a secluded valley by the crystal stream

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