Thursday, June 30, 2005
upset but pressing on wiser
"that's it. i quit."
4 words i wish i can say.
but i've got my own principles. n i dun haf it in me to give up so easily. i see it as irresponsible and that is not my style at all. maybe bcoz of this, i have it tough.
my sponsorship manager pulled this stunt on me today. she's had enough of the crap our manager in charge of vivace gives us. its her choice n i couldn't stop her. do i admire her guts? not really, i see it as weakness. oh well....... sigh. she promised that she'll still help me on the sidelines but juz not officially and i'm really counting on that. i've fired another girl coz she doesn't deliver. my operations manager is in reservist. n my dumbdumb secretary went to take up internship w/o informing me. i scolded her lohz - such uncalled for and irresponsible behaviour. at least i've got a nice vicechair. so far, its still very much a 2man show.
this manager is really not very nice to work with. i realised that no matter how much passion u have for smthg, the environment u work in n people u work with/for can totally kill that passion. i guess this is wat is happening and the only thing keeping me going is my principles.
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i learnt smthg the hard way this couple of days which has made me very upset. i guess i need to change in order to survive in this harsh, selfish and lousy world. not to downgrade myself but juz to be more cautious, to love myself more and look out for my own needs more. coz others will not do that for me. people are selfish. its better never to trust.
~~~ Angela 11:02 PM
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
disappointed
i'm super super duper ultra ultraextra disappointed.
the microsoft person in charge of our imagine cup team was not able to get my ma tix for the billG event. i mean, i'm one of the few pple going up to shake hands with Gates and he cant even get my parent a ticket?!
okie, so i sent in mama's particulars late, on sat. but it got lost in his mail and he din send it out until i reminded him yest when we were there for the conference call. i mean, ultimately it is his fault rite? hell.
seriously, i cant care less abt shaking billG's hands. i mean, he's not my hero or idol or anyone i actually look up to. i'd rather shake LKY's hands if given the chance lohz. it juz sounds good to shake his hands n i know many many pple would prob die to be in my place. but i dont really care much abt it. i dont think shaking his hands will make a big diff in my life.
but it makes a big diff if mama can go. it'll make her so proud to see me up there on stage. it'll make her happy. n that's the whole point. i'm wasting my whole day away juz for 15secs of fame on stage with Gates. sighz. i'm really not happy that juz a tix for my mum is impossible to get.
........... meeting so many obstacles these days. in my events as well. unhappy. =(
~~~ Angela 9:22 PM
Thursday, June 23, 2005
21 on 21st
my 21st bday had juz came n gone. so... lemme see, wat are the benefits of being 21?
- can watch RA movie
- sign indemnity forms without parents' consent
- vote (bleahz... in spore that doesn't make any big diff)
- get a credit card if i've got salary...
- ....
i cant think of anymore! see... not that much a diff after all lah.
tues late morning, me n mama went for international buffet lunch at goodwood hotel. =) it was good! yumyum. its our tradition lah, to go try out diff buffets at diff hotels whenever it was a special occasion.
then i went far east plaza to shop ard while waiting for feng. got a couple of tops n a few other linglongs. hehe, that's my bday shopping. =) feng arrived n he looked very happy to see me. stroked my cheek n said i'm pretty. (haha, ok, u din really want to know that...) accompanied him for lunch n decided to catch madagasca at lido. but when we got there, i decided batman would be better =) and it was! liked it. walked ard at isetan n then decided to juz go up n wait. found some seating space n that was when he presented me with his pressie. u must be dying to know wat it was rite??? hahahah, lets juz say it made me cry. think i must have looked super silly. dressed up all nice, crying at a corner of lido, with him by my side of coz... but i was juz very moved.
the movie was good. i mean, coz i catch every batman flick, that's y i appreciate it alot. came out to find many pple waiting ard for initial d's red carpet event. so we waited ard hoping to spot the stars lohz. saw edison n shawn. edison is damn cool lah, esp with his diamond stud - i have this thing for diamond studs. devon sawa (my first ever crush) had one. nick cater had one (if i remember correctly). pan weibo has one. n i'm sure many others too lah... hahaha.
i got impatient waiting for jay. n we were hungry. so gave up waiting n headed for crystal jade. it was oredi 9plus when we finished, so decided to go home. sat on the swing n toked... abt our first date, abt why he started chasing me, abt initiative.......... *smilez* n that was my 21st bday. simple, ordinary and sweet. juz wat i needed. juz wat i am, or maybe even trying to be.
happy 21st bday to me.
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i've got 2 eczema patched on my legs. i call them my stress patches. n recently, they've started to itch quite badly again. i wonder why man.
~~~ Angela 12:08 AM
Monday, June 20, 2005
betty boop surprise
a surprise pressie arrived in the mail today. from erpeishan!!!! she actually flew a set of lingerie all the way from aust! LOL. its sooo cute and sweet n pink! and exactly my size. hahahahha~ juz wat i needed to brighthen up my day. thanx dear!
~~~ Angela 7:36 PM
Sunday, June 19, 2005
21st birthday party
my birthday party has ended. i was so super happie yesterday, i was reluctant to go to slp. coz i'm so afraid that the brand new morning will bring new problems, new worries and my happiness will end. n yesh, the new day, today, wasn't that good a day compared to yesterday.
back to my party.
spent 4 hours at the salon doing my hair n painted my nails while waiting. n i'm so happy my hair turned out great! =) money well spent.
deedee arrived the earliest, then yushan n darling. they helped blew up the balloons while i went to take a shower, dress up n did my make up. sooo touched i have such great frens who are willing to help me out like that. can never thank them enough. we hung some balloons together then kianz arrived. proceeded to make the fruit salad. thankfully kianz was ard to mix the dressing which turned out perfect. *yumz*
slowly everyone gradually arrived. n it got super hectic for me... had to try to entertain n tok to everybody. couldn't enjoy the wonderful food much, but running ard n toking to my frens was actually more fun. i must say sorry to those i barely got to tok to. thanx for ur understanding! =) hope u still enjoyed my party.
my beautiful blueberry cheesecake came n started taking photos with everybody. then the usual bday song n i had to make a bday speech. hahaha! i was actually quite nervous, coz more than 30 pairs of eyes were focusing at me. hahaha, quite scary. but i managed to thank everybody n said i hope i look pretty today. heehee~ i know many think so *blush*
when everyone started leaving, suddenly i felt lost. my party is ending.... so sad. but all good things come to an end rite? i'm juz so happy i din give up on the party idea despite my busy-ness. i'm so happy we all managed to come together for one nite. i'm so happy to see all my dear dear frens. i'm so happy u all came. n becoz of u, i have such beautiful memories of my 21st. it was all worth it. =)
n thankew for all the sweet, cute, thoughtful presents. i was especially moved by yihua, hsuyu, linda, weileng's present. gosh, i teared. they bought me a funky belt, a pretty sweet pink pashima n on top of that, the earrings n toering i reserved at varvara. that small pink box really meant alot to me... i love u girls! haha~ dun get me wrong, i love every other present too! juz that if i tok abt every one, this entry will not end. hahah!
ohohoh, special mention to paul n eejia too! for getting me an orange 3quarters PLUS the forever orange hanger! n tree, eunice, jos n alex for the handmade tee with my name n sweet, blingbling totebag. n meishi n may for the elegant angel candle holder, n deedee, darling, kianz n dan for the super bright n funky orange jacket n... oh no... i'd better not go on. hahahahah~
juz manymany hugz to everyone who came, n all the pressies u bestowed me. u really did make my day. =) mmuackz~
i was pretty princess for the nite! *grinz*
~~~ Angela 11:46 PM
Saturday, June 18, 2005
mama's/my car nearly got stolen. i'm totally serious. no joke. quite freaky if u ask me. but the funny thing was we din find out until we got home.
we went united square for dinner n to get balloons n groceries for tmr's party. upon getting back to the car, we loaded the groceries in the back passenger seats n since we were on the left of the car, we opened the back seats by first opening the front passenger seat door. later when i went to return the trolley, ma found it weird that she couldn't open the driver's seat with her keys so she did it manually by gg into the car thru the passenger seats that have oredi been open.
we reached home n she couldn't lock the door. weird, i went to check it out n realised that the door handle have been plyed n is almost gonna come out liaoz. the key hole is distorted n enlarged n there were many scratches. gosh. i was so shocked. someone actually wanted to steal our car! or maybe the stuff inside.... not that there's much, i mean, only the cashcard lohz.
haiz... anyway, it was really close i guess. thank God the guy din manage to ride off with my honda civic, or this would be the worse birthday i've ever experienced. thank God the car-stealer was a loser who din manage to do wat he wanted to. thank God for prob sending someone to arrive at the scene just before he could finish the job. Thank God we still have our car.
~~~ Angela 12:39 AM
Thursday, June 16, 2005
ahhh... *satisfied sigh* suppers with frens are nice. juz got back from supper at prata house outside my place with feng's frens. alex drove. n i nearly had a fit despite the journey from my place to prata house being only like 2 minutes. hahahah~ all i can say is that he's not exactly a very safe driver.
i feel comfortable with his frens. that's a good sign rite? altho i still feel young n not-there-yet whenever i'm with them. but i guess its only natural. hmm...... makes me miss supper times with darling n deedee. awww.. been like super long.... 3months? hahaha.
feel much better today, altho i did wake up with a terrible headache. lucky i decided to call in sick n rested at home. at least i got more rest n managed to clear my mails... still have so many outstanding things to settle. oh well, i'm trying to take things easier. give myself less stress. den prob i wont be in a suppressed bad mood all the time.
tmr will be spent clearing the house for my party. its state now = garang guni house. hopefully by the end of tmr it'll be big, spacious n spanking clean. hahahah. hope.
~~~ Angela 1:26 AM
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
hate post
i hate working with incompetent people.
i hate always needing to tell people wat to do.
i hate people with no initiative, who do not know how to ask.
i hate people who have no respect in the way they tok to others.
i hate people who think they have done alot when the facts show otherwise.
i hate people who juz scrape thru their responsibilities by conveniently passing them to other helpful people.
i hate it when my mind is spinning.
i hate it when i cant see clearly.
i hate it when there's still so much to do yet my body is rebelling due to the fatigue.
i hate it when i'm angry n pissed coz the world seems so much smaller......
i hate it when my simple expectations are not met.
i hate it when i get disappointed after the anger.
i hate it when i feel so alone.
sigh..... forgive me for this angry entry. i've juz been so frustrated for days.
~~~ Angela 1:31 AM
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Retail therapy
it sure does work. was so down, decided i really needed to go walk ard on my own since i've been wanting to for ages. as smuve mtg was cancelled today, i got more time at hand and went down to town after settling some vivace stuff. feng wanted to see me, after ignoring him for awhile, i decided to give him a chance. so he met me n we went shopping lohz.
saw this pair of shoes weeks ago when i was out with deedee. today, saw it again n totally couldn't resist it. izzant it juz so pretty? i seriously have no idea when and to where i'll wear it. but its juz so so pretty.... i decided to splurge. hahaha!
am feeling much better after my shopping trip. plus feng n i have patched up. plus i managed to get quite alot of things done for vivace this morn. so yahz, i'm a happy girlie again. =)
will work hard again tmr to earn back wat i spent. hahaha! gambatte!
pretty shimmery pink shoes
~~~ Angela 12:25 AM
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
things are really not going my way. totally off-track.
i've never been so busy my entire life. 2 events to manage, 1 competition plus setting up of company, upcoming party plus things at home, part-time job that takes away at least 13hours on the days i work, comm service stuff to handle. i have no social life. i have no me-time.
i'm tired n i'm down n i'm sick of pple who do not understand.
my varvara boss doesn't understand. he wans me to work more days.
my mama doesn't understand. she wans me to stay home more.
my comm members don't seem to understand. the lack of progress is stressing me out and they are not helping out by pulling their weight to get things done. emails not replied. i can't provide all the answers.
my frens don't really understand. my schedule book seems to look quite bare to them.
my boyfren doesn't understand. i tot he would. its disappointing.
maybe its juz all my fault. i'm no superwoman.
~~~ Angela 11:54 PM
Saturday, June 04, 2005
quite miserable. coz its like, no matter how hard i work, no matter how long i stand, smile and promote varvara's products... the amt i earn can only be juz so much, ie so little. sigh.
today's revenue was past the 1000 mark, meaning i get $7/hour. multiply by 11.5 hours = $80.5. sigh. so little.
i'm determined to study hard, do well, get a job that's challenging and satisfying and earn good money.
~~~ Angela 11:37 PM
