Monday, July 09, 2007
From "Captivating" by John & Stasi Eldredge......
"Jesus has to thwart us too - thwart our self-redemptive plans, our controlling and our hiding, thwart the ways we are seeking to fill the ache within us. Otherwise, we would never fully turn to him for our rescue. Oh, we might turn to him for our "salvation", for a ticket to heaven when we die. We might turn to him even in the form of Christian service, regular church attendance, a moral life. But inside, our hearts remain broken and captive and far from the One who can help us.
And so you will see the gentle, firm hand of God in a woman's life hemming her in. He'll make what once was a great job miserable, if it was in her career that she found shelter. He'll bring hardship into her marriage, even to the breaking point, if it was in marriage she sought he salvation. Whatever it is we have sought life apart from him, he disrupts our plans, our "way of life" which is not life at all."
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i dun expect anyone to understand my decision............. bcoz even now, even I, dun fully understand. i still struggle every single day, every single moment. n soo many times, i hafta remind myself to just breathe. breathe, n that moment will be over. breathe, n maybe i'll be just that little closer to that point of understanding.
everyday, i feel like i'm living in a daze..... time is just passing me by. i wonder if its the medication, or maybe the high fever has really done some irreversible damage to my brain.
i haven't smiled, as in
really smile, for the longest time. i wonder when that will change.
i wish things could change. i wish i could go back. why izzit that 2 ppl who love each other cant be together?? but i cant go back n its taking every ounce of my willpower to say i wont every waking moment of my life.
There's a reason He has decided to disrupt my plans. God's ways are higher than mine. He will fulfill His purpose in me. He has chosen me; I shouldn't be afraid. Trust, just trust in God. Hold on and hold still. He will not fail me.
~~~ Angela 5:08 PM
