Friday, July 02, 2010
Open book
1 of my greatest weakness is that i can be read very easily. after 3 yrs as working class, u would think i've learnt to disguise my emotions, but no! :( during mtg last week, technical boss commented openly, "u seem unhappy" as i was jotting down wat he asked me to do. n i candidly replied, "yah!" but i really like this boss la. he's smart, very sharp and at least he acknowledges my feelings and later explains his rationale. too bad i dun report to him.
by late afternoon today, i was feeling quite lousy because i've not touched the tasked i planned to complete today. its quarter closing and requests for reports just kept coming in :( plus i was just bushuang that everyone around me seems to be having a good life n leaving work by 6pm everyday. n i'm still left slogging away, n its definitely not because i'm inefficient! n our reporting team can just keep forwarding the reports, asking for details, asking me to check, asking me to fill in, blahblah n make alot of noise in office joking ard, n then leave at 6. sigh. as i was rushing to try to collate data, they were joking ard and tried to include me in. but i just looked up from my screen, i think with a slight frown as i was quite irritated with the interruption, answered curtly n returned to work. then they started whispering in cantonese coz they know i dun understand.
sometimes i think i'm too task-oriented. nope, remove the "sometimes". i am too task-oriented. sheesh, its a double flaw rite? task oriented plus unable to disguise emotions. read - UNLIKEABLE person.
sigh.... driving home, i was reflecting on the root cause of my bushuang-ness. n came to the conclusion that i've been comparing. the atmosphere at work has been pretty bad of late, since the change of mgmt to be specific. nowadays, everything is done in a hushhush manner, rumors are aplenty. a change of mgmt brings abt a whole new dynasty so its normal for the old to leave n new to takeover. several colleagues hav left, and its obvious that some more are planning to. which explains the general lack of motivation in the team and leaving-on-the-dot phenomenon, when previously most leave abt 7.
then i ask myself, what's there to compare when i'm on a different path? when my ultimate boss is not a seen human being but an unseen supernatural almighty? my senior rose to become top mgmt in such a huge mnc in less than 4years, coming in to work abt 730 n leaving after 7. those extra hours clocked in are absolutely necessary. no one succeeds without hard work. "the more i do, the more i can do" - back to my A levels motto :) heh
~~~ Angela 10:59 PM
