Wednesday, December 07, 2011
back to square one
within a span of less than 3 months, i went from "in a relationship" to "single". i was crying while driving home when i remembered that i haven't even managed to write diary entries about our time spent together while he was here in sg and we've broken up. i only completed day 1.
2 days and nites, i cried n wept n wept n broke down until i was quite lifeless. everything made me cry. just seeing an image of a guy riding a motorbike with a female pillion didn't just bring tears to my eyes, they flowed down my cheeks uncontrollably. i didn't even have the chance to ride his bike.
its so ironic that my last blog entry was abt him not disappointing me. now i'm back to square 1 - reminded of alll the disappointments all the men in my life were. i believed with all my heart that he was different. he convinced me he was. that's the danger of trust.
i guess the most painful and difficult thing abt love forsaken is knowing that he is no longer yours. his heart, his body, his mind, all that he did, all that he said will all eventually be for some other girl. where do all his promises go? what do they all mean now? n once again, i am hit by the meaninglessness of man's promises.
ζιδΊγI confessed to God. for placing too much hope on 1 man.
there's never a good time for breakups, but this time is particularly bad, considering that i'll be leading a team n going back to the orphanage where we first met next week. during the course of last week, we still talked abt looking fwd to seeing each other again at the airport. how sudden...
seriously, i dun really know wat state i'm in now. i've stopped crying uncontrollably. i'm working hard on focusing on other things n occupying my mind. but i know there's still a bundle of emotions within... yet above all, i believe in God. despite the seemingly horrendous timing, i know He is always with me. He is sustaining me and He will make good outta this heartbreak. it's really not govan's fault. it's just not His will for this relationship to work out and i am learning to surrender to that. i knew it deep down somehow.
so please pray for me dear reader frens. thank you for ur support. i know i am so blessed to have many good caring frens.
i've postit-ed this verse to my monitor in office: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thess 5:16-18."
at least i know i wont go wrong by being joyful, praying n giving thanks.
~~~ Angela 11:46 PM
